The Art of Forgiveness: Letting Go for Your Mental Health
We tend to perceive forgiveness as a grand gesture - a moment of peace, closure, or sometimes, even reconciliation. But so often, forgiveness doesn’t come with closure. It doesn’t come with an apology. And it rarely arrives in a single moment or when we want it.
Instead, it’s quiet. Uncertain. Messy. Confusing. Disheartening.
And still, it's one of the most profound things we can do for our mental health.
Forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about you
When someone hurts us, especially deeply, it leaves more than just a memory. It creates tension in the body, intrusive thoughts in the mind, and an emotional imprint that can shape how we see ourselves and the world. Over time, this pain can harden into resentment, mistrust, or even self-blame; emotions that weigh us down, long after the moment has passed.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the hurt didn’t matter.
It simply means you matter more.
It’s not even about pretending things didn’t happen, or saying it was okay when it wasn’t. It’s about giving yourself permission to stop carrying it. It’s about reducing the weight of it.
Why it’s so hard & why that’s okay
Forgiveness isn’t easy. Especially when the harm was repeated, minimized, or never acknowledged at all.
Sometimes, the person we need to forgive is no longer around. Sometimes, it’s someone we still love. And sometimes, it’s ourselves.
In these moments, forgiveness can feel like betrayal, as if letting go means the pain didn’t matter, or we’re letting someone off the hook.
But here’s the truth:
You can remember and forgive.
You can set boundaries and forgive.
You can still be healing and choose to forgive.
Forgiveness isn’t the end of the process, but a turning point within it.
What forgiveness looks like in real life
Choosing not to replay the same hurt on a loop in your mind
Allowing yourself to feel the pain without judgment
Setting boundaries that protect your peace
Letting go of the need for an apology that may never come
Whispering to yourself, “I don’t want to carry this anymore”
Sometimes it’s a shift that happens over time. Sometimes it’s a decision you make every single day.
Forgiveness and mental health: the connection
Research shows that forgiveness, when it’s genuine and not forced, is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and chronic stress. It’s linked to better sleep, lower blood pressure, and improved relationships. But beyond the science, there's something more tender at work:
Forgiveness frees up emotional space. It creates room for joy, for ease, for softness, for new beginnings.
It doesn’t erase what happened. But it helps loosen the grip it has on you.
Gentle steps toward forgiveness
If you're struggling to forgive someone or something, take your time. This isn't about rushing yourself to “get over it.” It's about softening where there's been hardness, so healing can finally have a place to land.
Here are a few gentle ways to begin:
Write a letter (you don’t have to send it) - just to name the hurt, and what you wish they knew.
Be curious and ask yourself: What has this pain cost me? And what would it feel like to put that burden down?
Practice self-forgiveness. Sometimes we carry shame for not knowing better, not speaking up, not leaving sooner. Well, you were doing your best with what you knew.
This is your journey
Forgiveness is not a final destination. It's a quiet, powerful practice.
It’s how we reclaim parts of ourselves that were shaped by pain.
You don't have to do it all at once.
You don't have to feel ready.
You just have to know: it’s okay to want peace more than you want closure.
Letting go doesn't mean it didn't matter.
It means you matter enough to stop holding on.
