Letting Yourself Take Up Emotional Space
Most of us grow up learning how to take up as little emotional space as possible.
We learn to be “easy.”
We learn to be agreeable.
We learn to minimise our feelings so no one else feels uncomfortable.
We learn to keep our needs small so we’re not seen as demanding.
We learn to think twice, speak once, and apologise anyway.
And somewhere along the way, this quiet shrinking becomes second nature.
Not because we lack emotions - but because we learned to tuck them away so they wouldn’t be “too much.”
But you’re allowed to take up emotional space.
You’re allowed to exist with your full inner world, not just the polished, edited, manageable parts.
Taking up emotional space is not disruption.
It’s honesty.
It’s humanity.
It’s connection.
What it means to take up emotional space
Taking up emotional space doesn’t mean becoming intense, loud, or overwhelming.
It means allowing yourself to be emotionally present in your own life.
It looks like:
acknowledging what you feel without minimising it
expressing your needs without apologising for them
letting yourself want things without shame
saying “this matters to me”
allowing discomfort instead of silencing it
telling the truth about your inner experience
It’s not about being dramatic.
It’s about being real.
Why we learn to shrink ourselves emotionally
People don’t silence themselves because they lack emotion.
They silence themselves because they learned, at some point, that emotional presence was risky.
You may have learned to shrink because:
you felt responsible for others’ feelings
your emotions weren’t taken seriously
conflict felt unsafe
you were praised for being “low maintenance”
you feared being misunderstood or rejected
expressing needs felt like a burden
These patterns were survival strategies.
They made sense then.
But they don’t need to lead your life now.
Taking up emotional space starts with permission
For many people, the first step isn’t expression - it’s permission.
Permission to feel without justification.
Permission to express without overthinking.
Permission to ask without rehearsing a thousand reasons why you deserve it.
Permission to not shrink to fit someone else’s comfort.
Your emotions are not too much.
Your needs are not too heavy.
Your presence is not an inconvenience.
You are allowed to take up space in your own life.
You don’t have to be loud to take up space
Some of the strongest emotional presence is quiet.
It’s in:
choosing honesty over silence
letting yourself feel disappointment without rushing to fix it
saying “I can’t take that on right now”
trusting that your needs matter even if no one applauds them
allowing yourself to be seen on the days you’d rather hide
Quiet emotional space is still emotional space.
Your relationships deepen when you take up space
People often fear that taking up space will push others away.
But what actually deepens connection is authenticity.
When you let yourself be seen:
relationships become more mutual
communication becomes clearer
emotional labour becomes balanced
you stop carrying everything alone
support actually reaches you
You give others the chance to meet the real you - not the self-shrunken version you learned to present.
How to begin taking up emotional space
Start with gentleness.
Not force, not performance - gentleness.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now, beneath the surface?
If I didn’t minimise this, what would I say?
Where am I pretending to be fine when I’m not?
What need have I silenced that deserves a voice?
How can I show up 10% more honestly today?
Taking up emotional space happens slowly -in small, brave moments.
A gentle reminder
You don’t have to stay small to be loved.
You don’t have to keep quiet to be accepted.
You don’t have to perform ease to deserve care.
Your emotions deserve room.
Your needs deserve recognition.
Your presence deserves space.
You are not asking for too much.
You are simply asking to be human.
Taking up emotional space isn’t about becoming “more.”
It’s about becoming you — without shrinking, softening, or censoring your inner world to make it easier for others to digest.
Your deserve room to breathe.
And so do you.
